"I am the very model of a pious Presbyterian!"

Dedicated to all my Truly Reformed (TR) friends, especially to those who call themselves Anglicans but who are really nothing more than Presbyterians with prayer books. 

It's been a hell of a week arguing with a few of these guys online.  Now that it's winding down I feel like I need a spiritual bath.    Once again, please, if you're investigating Anglicanism, stay away from these guys, even if you lean in their direction theolologically.  They are coiled vipers, full of venomous hate.  They are to Anglicanism what Jack Chick is to American Baptist fundamentialism, except that they aren't really Anglicans.

From a Facebook friend, source unknown:

"If you know the Gilbert and Sullivan tune, sing along!

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I am the very model of a pious Presbyterian!

I've cultivated habits which I never, ever weary in!

I know the points of Calvinism, quoting them with gravity,

And lingering especially upon 'Total Depravity!'

It is my fate to contemplate predestination gleefully -

And verily, I speak 'King James' - it's always 'thou' and 'thee' for me!

At public prayers my countenance is solemn, stern and serious -

You've never seen a Presbyterian so Pres-by-TEER-ious!

I am the very model of a pious Presbyterian -

Indeed in matter doctrinal as fierce as an Assyrian!

With zealous joy do I deploy, for resolution of disputes,

A leather-bound deluxe edition of John Calvin's Institutes!

How bless-ed you are to attend this church we are together in,

Where faithfully I pull motes from the eyes of all my brether-en -

My tender ministrations are directed towards perfecting you,

And if I ever erred I'm sure I would accept correction, too!

If in my conduct you might note the tiniest disparity,

A slight lack of humility, a deficit of charity -

I am so busy day by day asserting my authority

That personal devotions cannot always take priority.

My pompous piety is on display to all humanity!

(The only thing not evident might be my Christianity!)

But still in matters doctrinal, as fierce as an Assyrian,

I am the very model of a pious Presbyterian!"

Comments

[Stephen]

This is gold.

Huge kudos to whoever wrote it for actually getting the meter right throughout.